Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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