What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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