I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
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this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I will be naked everywhere
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
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I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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