What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I want to make a zoo with you.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize