Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
