Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
