My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
