Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My bed is full of blood and feathers
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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