i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
