How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
