I wish my penis had an off switch
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
