Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
