Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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