Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
