Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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