Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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