Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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