been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
