So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
