I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
