i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I met the friendliest cop last night
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
