Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Someone shattered a urinal.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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