I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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