I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
