i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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