Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
