Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
