Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize