Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
