Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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