yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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