i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
