I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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