Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
