someone threw a dead crab at me
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I did not marry a roomba.
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