she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
i think i just lost a toe
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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