Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
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you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
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We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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