at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
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Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
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i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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