His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
