Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
