one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
