omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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