He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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