Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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