if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
