The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
