Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
