I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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