i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Randomize
