just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
