His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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