i don't like sucking hair
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
