all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Sober January is a disaster.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
