Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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