You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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