There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
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