His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Swine flu. Run for my life!
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
if only i could text you this smell
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
