As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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