Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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