Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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