Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize