I CAN MOONWALK!
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
