U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
