Yo dont text me then not text me
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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