no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize