just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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