My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
