Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
