I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
